strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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