So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
