Non-Jews are for practice
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
