How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
