You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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