But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
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I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
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Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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