She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Barsexuality is the new black.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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