there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
