All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
