I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sorry my hands just texted you
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
