This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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