I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
