"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
