Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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