I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
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