I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
