I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
