Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
