If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
