Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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