Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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