More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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