Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
