the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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