Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
foreskin is a definite game changer
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
