just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
