Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
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I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
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He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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