get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize