how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
