We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
