So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
