There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night