Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.