if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?