I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just pynch a tree in the face
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
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Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
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She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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