i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days