So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
porn star boner night. come get it.
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
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I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.