She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.