Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
