Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
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i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
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No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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