Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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