I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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