Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
