Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
ttyl tear gas
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
