Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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