giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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