i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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