the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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