i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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