ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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