Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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