I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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