in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
