I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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