I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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