do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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