you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
