I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
did you just send me my own nude
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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