worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
