Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
