and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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