Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
