Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"