oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The beer is more important than you right now.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
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Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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