I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost