My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.