I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
