dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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