Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
