Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
