I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
