3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
